Providing Appropriate Advice Is Difficult in Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Disputes

Asahi Shimbun Morning Edition, January 30, 1999

A young wife, suffering from insomnia due to her mother-in-law's ill will, comes to the clinic complaining of sleepless nights. Each time she visits, she vents a stream of bitter complaints, and then heads home with a refreshed expression.

Meanwhile, a mother-in-law, burdened by cohabitation with a harsh daughter-in-law, also seeks medical help. "I even built them a house," she says, "and yet I can’t sleep at night."

Mental health clinics today serve as modern-day refuges, reflecting the spirit of the times. However, like marital quarrels, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law issues often resist appropriate advice or easy resolution.

In the film Titanic, Kathy Bates plays a nouveau riche woman who supports Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in front of the haughty aristocrats. In Fried Green Tomatoes (1991)—a film with a curious title—she portrays a character who rivals the daughter-in-law figure mentioned earlier.

Kathy’s character regularly visits her husband’s elderly aunt in a nursing home, more out of a sense of duty than affection. Her husband is obsessed with sports on TV and pays her little attention. Stressed, she turns to chocolate bars. She gains weight. She tries attending women’s self-empowerment workshops, but ultimately finds herself retreating to chocolate again.

By chance, she begins to listen to stories from an elderly woman at the facility, played by Oscar-winning actress Jessica Tandy. The woman, known as “the lady loved by bees,” tells tales of her youth in a rural Southern town. Free from racial discrimination and outdated customs, her natural way of living captivates Kathy’s character. The visits become something to look forward to. Inspired by the stories, she begins speaking her mind.

Gradually, she transforms into a confident woman capable of standing her ground with her husband. Kathy Bates, with her knack for portraying persistence and boldness—sometimes bordering on brazen—truly shines in this role.

The daughters-in-law of the "Oshin generation," who supported their households with blood, sweat, and tears, have now aged. And they have long struggled to reconcile with daughters-in-law raised under postwar democracy.

Even before we reach the year 2020, when those over 65 are expected to make up more than a third of the population, for those involved, this remains a serious issue.